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Mrs. Ceonn Edwards, Behavioral Therapist MSc. B. A
In my five years of experience counseling individuals of all different cultural backgrounds a common theme amongst my Bahamian clients is, the impulse to be “strong” regardless of the circumstance. We, as Bahamians, use the word “strong” to mean, bravery, toughness or showing little to no emotion. We refer to this as having, “thick skin”. From a very young age, many Bahamians may experience bullying from not only their peers but from friends and close family members. The taunting continues from childhood into adulthood and, unfortunately, this form of verbal abuse is often seen as the norm in many households. In addition to verbal abuse, emotional abuse and neglect is also quite prominent in the average Bahamian family. When faced with this type of abuse, Bahamians are often encouraged to combat it with an even harsher comeback, remain silent and/or to turn to religion as their only source of relief and healing. But is this healthy?
Unfortunately, without proper treatment, these behaviors can be passed down from generation to generation continuing a detrimental cycle of trauma all in an attempt to raise a “strong” cohort. This brings about the question, are we really “strong” or are we terribly broken? You decide. Below, I’ve compiled a few examples/scenarios that may help the average Bahamian decide whether or not seeking therapy or counseling of some sort would be beneficial.
1. Inability to Trust and The Fear of Vulnerability
Imagine spending your entire life being told to, “suck it up” or that your problems didn’t matter in comparison to those around you. No one could blame you for learning to deal with your issues on your own. Lack of support from the people you love most doesn’t leave much room to trust anyone, let alone a therapist who is a stranger to you. Even when a person makes a conscious decision to pursue therapy, sometimes it takes multiple sessions for them to even open up just a little bit. One reason for that is the years of being betrayed by others who swore to keep their secrets; or, the fear of being seen as weak and &’ thin skinned’ makes it extremely hard for them to trust anyone. If you find you have a hard time trusting a friend, a family member, a romantic partner or someone you don’t even know, for no particular reason, therapy may be able to help.
2. Lack of Coping Skills
A coping skill is a tool developed to help an individual manage their stress, anxiety, or pain. The need to cope with pain or discomfort is a natural response for humans; however, some ways we cope can be unhealthy or even dangerous. If your first response to stress or trauma is hopelessness, lashing out, or a desire to punch something, (or someone), your coping skills are non-existent or unhealthy. A therapist or mental health technician can help you develop coping mechanisms that can help you manage your stress and trauma and help you both recognize and control your triggers.
3. Modeled Behavior
Simply put, we are products of our environment and it is easy and quite natural to mimic the things we see around us. Psychologist Albert Bandura comprised an experiment to prove his theory that children model the behavior they see. He proved his theory using the, “Bobo Doll” effect. In this experiment, children observed an adult beating a doll. Without instruction, when the children were alone with the doll, they began to also beat the doll.
In the Bahamas, family is very important to us. We’re taught to respect our parents and that, even though many of these parents were strict, as adults, we came to accept that they raised us the best way they knew how. The fact is, in many instances, some of their methods may have been more toxic than helpful. For example, because of the cycle of abuse and things they inherited from their own upbringing, they may have been emotionally withdrawn or even verbally abusive. A common phrase heard in many Bahamian households is, “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about”. Now imagine saying this to your two-year-old, who desperately needs to be comforted by you. More than likely, you don’t say this because you don’t care for the child but because you were told that children–who are fed, clothed and have all their physical needs met free of charge—don’t have any good reason to cry. You may have heard this phrase from your own parent and even though it didn’t feel good to you then, you are now the one using it on own child. This is only one example of modeled behavior. You can probably come up with ten other examples on the spot, some much more damaging, that you would prefer not to pass on to your own children. Are you thinking about getting therapy yet? Let’s continue.
4. Existing Vs. Living
Our final example might be the most important thus far. Lack of purpose in one’s life can lead to sever depression. There are so many people living a life that they are unhappy with. Certain circumstances or situations or just the pressures of everyday life may entice a person to believe that their life has little to no meaning. There are many who enjoy their jobs but are unhappy in their relationships. There are those who have amazing partners but find that lack of sufficient finances keeps them stuck in a rut. There is always a bill to be paid or another priority that overrules doing what they would really love to do or doing something nice for themselves. Self-doubt, anxiety or lack of confidence can also make moving forward with one’s life seem impossible. Children and adults alike, battle with day in and day out stressors that are sometimes unseen even by those closest to them. Unfulfilled dreams are also a source of depression. Someone whose dream it was to become a world-renowned athlete or musician or lawyer may not know how to cope when their life took an entirely different path. Therapy is often the first step towards a better sense of self-worth. The tools gained in therapy can sometimes help a person adopt a whole new lease on life. Therapy can provide the push needed to help a person start their journey towards living their best life, despite their circumstances. Or, it may even give someone the encouragement needed to change their circumstances altogether.
In conclusion, therapy requires patience and effort but most would agree that the benefits are well worth it. With therapy, there is little to lose, but so much to gain. If you or someone you know is interested in getting counseling, follow @mhcbahamas on Instagram or Mental Health Counseling Bahamas on Facebook for more information.
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